god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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