You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
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