If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
