somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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