Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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