I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
