After last night, I could never be a politician.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
