ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
