I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
