Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
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