Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
