you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
