There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
Pants are for mortals
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
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