my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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