I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
