Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Randomize
