i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
