You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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