so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
