Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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