You work out of a Hotel?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
