I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Randomize
