I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
