if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
