If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
