Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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