He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
