You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
