Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So much rum. So many feels.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
