i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
