Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
