Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
