this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
