I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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