Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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