i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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