I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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