I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
She told me I should be a condom model.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
