you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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