I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
