Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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