i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
