By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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