apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
