My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Randomize
