It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
