I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Banned from zoo.
Again?
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
