I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
