I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
