Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
