I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
