her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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