If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
