the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
