kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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