babies were throwing up all over the place
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
This is my gift to your gina
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
