I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Randomize
