you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
