I heard we made out
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
