I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
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