where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
