So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
