I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
