I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
