The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
We had to coat check the pizza.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
