please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize