apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
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