Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
