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I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
