Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Randomize
